Update 6/05/2014

Hey Guys, so I thought I would give you a little update. Over the last few days my condition has gone seriously down hill. For the last three days I have been in absolute agony, to the point where I was laying in the bath, trying to reduce the pain, sobbing my eyes out. Things just seem to be going back to square one again. Yesterday the pain was so bad, that I would say that it was the worst pain I have ever been in. I couldn't even sit for more than 10 minutes without searing pain in my back and thighs. 

I find it really hard to describe how I am feeling. I try so hard to think about happy and positive things, but when you are in so much pain, that becomes paramount, and it's so hard not to think about the pain, and to shut off in order to relax. On Monday night, I got into bed at around 9/10pm and I tried to settle down with a audiobook. But I kept tossing anf turning, trying to get comfortable. It felt like an eternity, my husband came up now and again to check on me. At around 2am, I decided to get up and have a tea and try and relax with Shane for a while. At 4am I decided to go back to sleep, and then finally at around 5am I fell asleep. 

This happens quite regually, I would say at least 2 times a week. And it kills me, it really does. And I always think about the time when I wasn't in pain and I could sleep properly, and I think that makes me feel even worse. 

Right now, I am looking out the window at the sunshine in my garden, and it makes me sad. I want to go out and be able to have fun, to have a job. I know that people would say, it would be nice to stay at home, but one or two weeks, but when you have to stay at home for 2 years, not even able to drive to the doctors, or to the shops. It is heart breaking. I am just so greatful that I have an amazing family and friends that really care and support me. I really wish I could show them how greatful I am. I really hope they know how much I love them and cherish them. One day I will show them how much I love them. 

Also I am so angry with the doctors. Last night I phoned the doctors to  get some support from the GP, and I was told that they would phone me on my husbands mobile before 6pm. 6 came and whent and I still haven't heard from them. So I will have to phone them again and hope that they will give me the support and help I need.  

Sorry for this little rant, I just needed to get this off my chest to make myself better. Thanks for listening